Fa la la la blah

My Christmas decorating is complete! Yeah! I even have the 4 foot lighted tree-in-a-box in the attic. It’s a no go for me. The wreath is it. I guess it is a metaphor for how I am feeing these days. This will be my second Christmas without W. The outer pain/agony has been replaced with a dull heaviness. Externally I am decorated…but internally not so much. We loved the holidays and made them grand. Christmas Eve Open Houses for friends and fam showing off our culinary skills to the delight of our guests. One present each to open when all the revelers left, then a quiet Christmas morning with holiday music and the delicious aroma of country ham and biscuits. He was a great gift giver. Then his illness started affecting how we proceeded.

I need to cherish the moments from the past, but allow the joy of the present enter my soul and fill it. Life will never be the same. But life goes on. Is that the first chapter in the Idiot’s Guide to Grief, Heartache and Despair? Perhaps. Maybe. I don’t know. I’m not a philosophical sort. I am a let’s get it done and move on to the next sort.