I have lived very few years without a dog in my life.
As an adult, it all began with a hand me down dog from my brother…a bat shit crazy cockerpoo. That dog didn’t last long after he took a chunk out of our neighbor’s leg and then threatened the pastor that had just baptized Ben.
Luckily the official Baptism went off without a hitch, but the party after was one for ages. At that time I was not much of a drinker…but I have certainly made up for that deficiency lately…so I decided to have as the centerpiece for our post Baptismal celebration a huge bowl of punch with an ice ring decorated with maraschino cherries…quite the Martha Stewart!
It was a grand effort and would have been highlighted with its own Pinterest page…if Pinterest was around in 1975. Looking back, there was one slight problem with the punch – it was 100% booze….Cold Duck (omg), Curaçao, Rum, and I don’t know what else. I think the frozen cherries were the only non-alcoholic item. Unfortunately, being a new mother and not much of an entertainer, I did not educate my guests that the magnificent centerpiece was alcohol on steroids, nor did I offer an option. Who knew?
Problems began after all our male guests decided to go out to the front lawn to play a raucous game of touch football. (Think the Kennedys) The dog went wild and tried to get the ball. Our neighbor Steve, a shitfaced dog hater, tried to kick Simon the dog. The crazy cockerpoo leapt into the air and literally latched onto Steve’s thigh…through his pants…like he was a police dog. The other merry makers succeeded in releasing Simon from Steve’s leg. Luckily society was not as litigious at that time and we remained friends without a major law suit.
Simultaneously our hammered pastor decided to take his leave from our happy little event. He opened the front door and turned around to say goodbye to the “hostess with the mostest.” Unfortunately he did not remember that our 200 year old colonial was still being renovated and the front door was over 18″ above the ground. Our beautiful front stairs (an old millstone cut in two) was not in place. He landed with an ungracious thud and Simon decided it was time for new blood. He charged the bewildered cleric as the band of drunken athletes tried to help the Father to his feet. He was last seen stumbling to his car. Fortunately there were no DUIs in force at that time.

Simon was quickly rehomed to a retired couple living on Cape Cod and lived out his days free from crime.
I remained dog free for many years until Tucker came into our lives. She was actually a bribe given to Ben for uprooting him from Newburyport, the idyllic community north of Boston, to the central Illinois wasteland we called home for seven years. She was supposed to be B’s dog, but as I have found out, dogs bond with their food source. She was mine. A sweet golden retriever who had an excellent pedigree of obedience champions. I learned that there are two parts to being a dog champion with the dog being only one half of the equation. I failed miserably, but Tucker was a wonderful loyal family member. She lived a long happy life in spite of W trying to overfeed her daily.

Tucker was even agreeable when W decided he wanted a German Shepherd. We adopted Mars (after the planet). It’s too long a story but we ended up adopting his litter mate Pluto. We changed his name to Radar and he was definitely my dog. He adored me. Why can’t all males show that kind of devotion? All threedogs got along really well and when Tucker went to the Rainbow Bridge, we all mourned her loss.

After moving to Savannah Mars developed German Shepherd mylopethy (like ALS in humans) and had a slow sad couple of years. Radar lived on for a while and developed bone cancer. Their passings were sad and W said he never wanted another dog. But I did!
I wanted a little white fluffy dog that did not shed and could sit in my lap. A few months later I adopted Izzy who was the best little girl and did want to sit in my lap 24 – 7. I called her Tonto sometimes…my faithful companion…like Tonto on the Lone Ranger. Izzy’s life changed when we opened the restaurant and she had to stay home. When I did bring her, and locked her in my office, she was not compliant and would bark, whine and scratch as the BBQ smell and tidbits were too much for her.

Over the next few years we “rescued” several other dogs including Misty an American bully whose owner committed suicide. She didn’t like females and would just stare at me and growl. But I was her food source. She developed diabetes and I had to administer her insulin twice a day. The blinder she became, the better she tolerated me. We developed a detente and lived in peace. I even cried when we had to put her down.

4 years ago Brisket came into our lives. W liked big dogs. He never felt Izzy was a real dog…he actuaally called her a poor excuse for a dog. (He finally did come around.) Brisket was a rescue and pulled out of Animal Control…he was pretty sad and appeared to have been left on his own in the country for a year or more. At 40 lbs he was filled with every bad thing a dog could have. After the rescuers cared for him, he arrived on our doorstep. W loved him. From the minute he saw him, I could tell he thought he was a real dog. But Brisket quickly grew to 90 pounds. W could not handle him…but guess who could? Me.

Izzy went to the Rainbow Bridge almost a year after W left us. So now it is the two of us. Brisket spends 24 hours worrying about his belly. How is he going to get the next bit of food? He is not picky…he has an intestinal tract made of steel. Some of the items he has ingested, and then expelled, include a half a box of latex gloves, batteries, wax pillar candles, a bag of 100 tea lights leaving the metal behind, a half bottle of chewy vitamins, Advil, red velvet cupcakes and I can go on and on….
Presently we are living with certain a understanding. He has two collars. One I put on him every morning. It is like an outdoor invisible fence…with four costly discs located in no-go zones around the house. I do a military drill before I leave the house. Are doors shut? Counters clear? Anything that can possibly have a smell of food eliminated? Done. The other is for the time he forgets he is 90 pounds and wants to get in my lap. For this he gives me 100% unconditional love. He is blind now, only 5 1/2 years old, but it does not stop him. I even found a ball online that has a bell inside, so he can still play fetch. We walk every day and he follows me without a leash…his sense of smell and hearing are amazing…but his devotion has no bounds.
W would be happy. It’s just the two of us…taking care of each other.