mizjanet47

Nothing. Not one damn thing

Thursday, day after surgery. ICU. Horrible place. A machine breathes for him (BiPap), tubes drain his chest, and innumerable IVs, drugs, and monitors show his heart rate, blood pressure, and more. Constant beeping. Sometimes irregular. Not awake. Unaware. Out of it. Nurses in and out spending more time on the computer than interacting with him.Continue reading “Nothing. Not one damn thing”

Loneliness

I have been having a hard time lately. My sense of loss has not diminished and my loneliness is monumental. In the days and weeks ahead I have a lot of decisions to make regarding my health and my future. I DO NOT feel comfortable nor confident making them alone. It seems un-natural. We talkedContinue reading “Loneliness”

Press On

VATS surgery day. I had convinced myself that this surgery was all that was needed for Wiley’s recovery to begin. After it, he was going to get better. He had to. My dear friend Sandra came to spend the dreaded hours of waiting with me. We did not move from the ICU waiting room unlessContinue reading “Press On”

If necessary, SHOUT!

So with the week ending, someone (?) decided to transition Wiley out of PCU and onto a regular floor. A head scratcher for me. Was he improving? At least he was going to get some nutrition and perhaps some kind of physical therapy…right? I was told that he would need to have VATS surgery, butContinue reading “If necessary, SHOUT!”

Four Loves

Everyone who knew Wiley knew about the loves of his life: Me, Really good food, Good cigars, and Mediocre wine. He was least picky about the wine. When we first started dating, I didn’t drink much and had an untrained palette. He drank white Zinfandel. Later he switched to Merlot. Long before I met himContinue reading “Four Loves”

Puppies and Monkeys

Weekends suck especially when you are stuck in the hospital. It becomes a ghost town. Parking lot is empty. Front lobby and halls are empty. No procedures done…unless of course emergency ones. Waiting is the norm. While waiting, Wiley went in and out of a sleeping state. Cogent conversation did not occur because he wasContinue reading “Puppies and Monkeys”

Today I Choose….

To ignore grief To live healthier To look ahead To celebrate what was, what is, and what will be To see beyond differences To cherish my immediate and extended family To be grateful To put aside petty grievances To take joy from little successes To be bold, brave and kind. To be bold, brave andContinue reading “Today I Choose….”

Waiting

Tomorrow comes. No need for an alarm clock, because Brisket thinks it is his duty to wake me at 7. Don’t know how he does it. Must be a dog thing. Izzy has always slept on the bed and her little warm body gives me some comfort. Get up. Walk the dogs. Feed the dogs.Continue reading “Waiting”

A Plan

Tomorrow came. I needed a map to find his room in PCU (Progressive Care Unit.) I was so optimistic. He had to be “Better” didn’t he? What was this place? Where was his nurse? He’s asleep. He doesn’t do that. Why is he here? Again there was a frenetic movement in this place like theContinue reading “A Plan”

I don’t know…

May 29, 2018, began like any other day. I got up, walked the dogs and came in to read the paper. W struggled to get into the den to sit at his desk. He complained that his side hurt. My logical side suggested that he probably broke a rib because he had been coughing aContinue reading “I don’t know…”